When I am with my grown children, I see glimpses of Erin in the way they interact with each other and the grandsons. There is an ease with all of them – the father, mother, uncles, aunts – a total acceptance of whatever happens, including the brief outbursts, which reflect the normalcy of life with toddlers and kindergartners. It could have evolved naturally with each new stage, yet it’s endearing to see a level of ease and acceptance of working through age-appropriate, typical behaviors with kids.
The sons have seen this before and lived it. And, there are the endearing qualities of our adult daughter, Diana, who holds her own with the brothers. Honestly, they did not always “read” her as well as they do now. It was a process, one in which they navigated cautiously and respectfully, with questions and discussions about expectations of interactions and even simple greetings.
They came home from college to visit and invaded her routine and personal space. They were all jokesters and teasers by nature, but worked hard to enter her good graces, reach a level of her acceptance as brothers, and see her relax, wrapping her arm around their necks and hugging them. They struggled, waffling between expecting her to be polite and speak to them, to trying to understand her assertiveness, while acknowledging her insecurities and challenges. Rallying for her acceptance…and affection. They dearly loved her.
Erin had been easier. She was young at heart. Always a child. Delighted in insulting them. They fed into her antics and enjoyed her shocking responses to their teasing and prompting to hand it back. Whatever witty insult was delivered was received with a knowing understanding and agreement between bantering parties. Lots of laughter ensued…rings in my ears to this day…sheer joy exchanged in the challenge extended between brothers and sister to “one-up” each other until it got too loud or someone caved. Mostly, the mere act of roasting each other was a pure act of love not atypical to a Feathers taking on a Feathers through time. Always in jest and with deep affection. Always having each other’s back. A Feathers sibling is always present for another. A phone call away. Jump on a plane. Loyal and accepting.
And, it is the same with Diana after living with Erin. Since the brothers first encountered Erin when she was born, a sister when they were in elementary, middle, and early high school, and then added another sister, Diana, through adoption Two sisters with Down left questions for them, such as, “Will they ever drive a car?” “Will Erin ever have a purposeful conversation (i.e exchanges without prompting instead of one-sided)?” Why won’t Diana speak to us when we first come home?” (She had to warm up. Their presence invaded her personal space.)
And, all of a sudden, becoming more sensitive to peers who used the “R” word in multiple contexts on occasion and finding their voice to say, “Hey, Dude, don’t say that.”
These girls changed their lives and perspectives FOREVER in adding a new lens on life to our home and family. Our normal competitive family turned upside down when these girls made their appearance and demanded our attention.
So, when we gather now as family, it is especially endearing to witness the deep devotion expressed among siblings and with respect to the unique ways each brother connects to Diana in conversation, in their natural engagement – smiling, talking, laughing, connecting…loving her.
And, I love these boys even more because they rallied as elementary, middle school, high school, and college students to do whatever it took to support and love their sisters. They pitched in and helped. They corralled and persevered through times we needed them.
I know that in those glimpses now of affection and affirmation of their sister, Diana, and seeing how they just know how to talk to her, bring her out of her cocoon, and make her laugh…I know how very much they have been touched in this life for the better by knowing and living life with sisters with Down syndrome.
Sorting it Out... 