For Good

Every now and then something gets my attention in such a way my world as I know it now stops, and I remember. Tonight, it was a memory notification on Facebook of a picture shared with me from my son’s wedding in 2010 of Erin (age 11) dancing at the reception. For me, the picture captured Erin’s pure joy in the moment; the joy that sustained our family through the more challenging times with Erin-heart surgeries/medical procedures and understanding behaviors, while also leaning into her way of finding humor and bringing fun into our everyday. And, we never missed an opportunity to dance and sing with Erin.

We looked to connect to her world and to find a way to go there with her, if even for the moment. If she was in her room doing karaoke or coloring while watching Disney in her favorite pajamas, she would reach out in some way with a phrase and a giggle to connect others in the room to her and what she was thinking about, to bring them close to her. And, we were always trying to connect and find her within herself and did, reconciling that maybe it didn’t matter if we didn’t have an interactive reciprocal conversation that always was purposeful or made sense or was focused on a topic. But, more importantly, what happened in those moments on countless evenings with Erin was just connecting our hearts together for an evening and somehow understanding what we meant to say in our banter back and forth, and feeling loved in the mix. It was a beautiful way to experience life with Erin as a daughter and sibling in our family.

I think of the song “For Good” often when I think of Erin and how she came into my life. Nothing about her and our daily life with her was exactly typical, but our family is ever so grateful to have had her in our lives, and I feel her impact on my life has changed me-for good.